When Mum or Dad Starts Struggling at Home: What Should You Look For?

It often starts with something small.

Mum mentions that she's stopped using the bath because getting out is becoming difficult.

Dad doesn't go upstairs quite as often as he used to. Perhaps you've noticed that the garden is looking neglected, or they seem unusually tired after a trip to the shops.

None of these things necessarily means there's a serious problem. But when several little changes start appearing together, it can be a sign that everyday life at home is becoming harder.

For family members, particularly if you don't live nearby, it isn't always easy to know what to look for.

Here are some of the signs that might be worth paying attention to.

Are they avoiding parts of the house?

One of the biggest clues is a change in how somebody uses their home.

Perhaps Dad used to spend most evenings upstairs in his study but now stays downstairs. Maybe Mum has started sleeping in the spare room rather than going upstairs to her usual bedroom.

Sometimes people adapt without really thinking about it.

If stairs have become painful or frightening, they simply make fewer journeys upstairs. If stepping into the shower feels unsafe, they wash at the sink instead.

Rather than asking, "Can you still manage the stairs?", it can be more useful to notice whether they're actually using them as they used to.

Watch how they get out of a chair

Getting up from a chair is something most of us do dozens of times without thinking about it.

When mobility or strength changes, it can become surprisingly difficult.

Look for somebody rocking backwards and forwards to build momentum, pushing heavily through the arms, grabbing nearby furniture or needing several attempts to stand.

The chair itself may be contributing to the problem. Very low, deep or soft sofas can be particularly difficult to get out of.

Sometimes something as simple as changing the seating can help. In other cases a properly chosen riser recliner chair can make standing considerably easier.

The important thing is to work out why they're struggling rather than simply finding something that lifts them to their feet.

Are they holding onto furniture?

We've probably all heard somebody say, "I don't need a walking stick. I get around the house perfectly well."

Then you watch them walk across the room and realise they're using the sofa, dining table, kitchen worktop and walls for support.

Furniture walking can creep up gradually, so the person doing it may barely notice.

It can be a sign that balance, confidence or strength has changed and is worth taking seriously, particularly if there have already been falls or near misses.

Look at the bathroom

Bathrooms are one of the most common places for difficulties to become apparent.

Getting in and out of the bath, standing in the shower and getting on and off the toilet all require more movement and balance than we sometimes realise.

• Have they stopped having baths?

  
  

• Are there towels, radiators or towel rails being used to pull themselves up?

  
  

• Have they put a random dining chair in the bathroom so they can sit down?

• Are they struggling to get up from the toilet?

  
  

There are lots of relatively simple pieces of equipment that can make bathrooms easier and safer to use, including shower stools, bath boards, toilet frames, raised toilet seats and grab rails.

But placement matters. A grab rail in the wrong position isn't particularly useful just because there's now a grab rail on the wall.

Take a look at the bedroom

Beds can become difficult too.

If somebody is struggling to get their legs into bed, sitting on the edge for a long time before standing, or using bedside furniture to pull themselves up, it's worth investigating.

The height of the bed can make a big difference.

There are also bed rails, support handles and other aids that may help. For people with more significant mobility problems, an adjustable bed can make getting into a comfortable position and getting in and out of bed considerably easier.

Modern adjustable beds don't have to make a bedroom look like a hospital either. Many look just like normal domestic beds.

https://www.fenmobility.com/beds

Have they stopped going out?

This is an important one because it can happen so gradually.

Perhaps Mum used to walk into town twice a week but now only goes when somebody drives her. Dad might have stopped going to the bowls club because the walk from the car park is becoming too much.

People don't always announce that they're struggling with mobility.

They simply start removing activities from their lives.

If somebody is going out less, find out why.

It may be pain, tiredness, fear of falling, difficulty walking longer distances or simply a lack of confidence.

A walking stick, rollator, wheelchair or mobility scooter isn't necessarily about somebody becoming less mobile. Sometimes the right equipment is exactly what allows them to start doing things again.

Are everyday jobs taking much longer?

Making a cup of tea, carrying dinner to the table, getting dressed or putting shoes on can all become more difficult.

Look for little workarounds.

Perhaps meals are becoming simpler because standing in the kitchen is tiring. Clothes with buttons aren't being worn anymore. Shoes have changed because bending down to put them on is difficult.

There are hundreds of daily living aids available, from dressing sticks and long-handled shoehorns to perching stools and kitchen aids.

Not everybody needs a house full of equipment. Often one or two carefully chosen items can solve a surprisingly frustrating problem.

Look for changes outside too

The front step that somebody has climbed for 30 years can suddenly become a major obstacle.

Check paths, steps, thresholds and access to the garden.

Does Mum hesitate before stepping out of the front door? Is Dad avoiding the garden because there's a step down from the patio door?

Small ramps and handrails can sometimes make a huge difference.

If somebody uses a wheelchair, rollator or mobility scooter, access becomes even more important. A piece of mobility equipment isn't much use if they can't easily get it through their own front door.

Don't ignore near misses

A fall is obvious. A near miss is much easier to dismiss.

• "I just caught my foot."

• "The rug slipped."

• "I stood up too quickly."

Any of those things can happen to anybody. But if you're hearing similar stories regularly, it's worth paying attention.

You might notice unexplained bruises or find furniture has been moved to create something to hold onto.

Nobody wants to feel that their children are checking up on them, so this needs a little sensitivity. The aim isn't to remove every possible risk from somebody's life. It's to spot things that could reasonably be made easier or safer.

Ask what they're finding difficult

This sounds obvious, but it's easy to arrive at a parent's house and immediately start suggesting solutions.

"You need a stairlift."

"We should get you a walking frame."

"Why don't you have a chair in the shower?"

• Try starting with the problem instead.

• What's becoming difficult?

• What have you stopped doing?

Is there anything you're worried about doing on your own?

What would you like to be able to do that you can't comfortably do now?

You may get a very different answer from the problem you thought needed solving.

Small changes can make a big difference

Struggling with one or two things at home doesn't automatically mean somebody needs major adaptations or lots of mobility equipment.

Sometimes changing the height of a chair, adding a suitable rail or choosing a simple walking aid is enough.

Other situations are more complicated.

That's where good advice becomes important.

Fen Mobility Centre in Ely is led by an experienced Occupational Therapist, and we look at mobility equipment from that perspective. Rather than starting with a product, we prefer to understand what somebody is struggling with and what they want to achieve.

Sometimes the answer is a mobility scooter, wheelchair, riser recliner or adjustable bed. Sometimes it's a £20 daily living aid.

And sometimes the best advice we can give is that you don't need to buy anything from us at all.

If Mum or Dad is starting to find things more difficult at home and you're not sure what might help, you're very welcome to visit our Ely showroom and talk it through with us.

Bring Mum or Dad too, if you can.

After all, it's their home and their independence we're trying to protect.